My Drug Habits

Why would any sane person post about their Drug Habits on the internet? In my case, because they just aren’t very scandalous. Sorry dear readers, but my drug habits are pretty boring and mundane, even a bit prudish, truth be told. None the less I hope you are curious enough to continue reading.

I’ve Never Been Drunk

It is not that I never drink. I have a glass of wine on occasion and have been known on rare occasion to order a drink at a bar when I don’t have to pay for it. But by and large, I just don’t like alcohol much so I don’t drink enough of it to get drunk. I don’t like the taste, I don’t like the sensation of it, and it’s intoxicating effects are not something I’m much interested in. Lastly, I am a very big person so I suspect it would take a good deal of booze to get me well and truly hammered.

The closest I’ve come is to get a little tipsy or perhaps buzzed off a very large Long Island Ice Tea at a company party on a boat. The motion of the boat and the booze worked together to make me feel slightly off balance and I developed an insatiable urge for the Salsbury steak they were serving. It is the only time I really felt any effect from alcohol other than getting a bit sleepy. But I wouldn’t qualify it as drunk. I think it was what people call being Buzzed, but I have no good frame of reference.

The thing with me and booze is that I’m pretty darned relaxed and at ease most of the time. I’ve got no edge to take off and if I get any less stressed I’m liable to just fall asleep on the spot. When I do get excited or stressed I tend to savor it and put the extra energy into things I want to get done. It tends to be more of a blessing than a curse so the last thing I want to do is dull those emotions. I can get my mind off my troubles at the drop of a hat by playing a game or watching an engaging movie and booze just seems a lot less interesting than those things.

Of the alcoholic beverages I’ve had, I tend to favor sweet fruit wines, especially plum wine, or very smooth beers such as the french Trappist brews. My absolute least favorites are whiskey’s and other bitters, and pale ales. I don’t much care for alcohol itself and adding in bitter flavors just makes it all the worse for me. I do like slushy iced drinks, but I prefer them virgin so that is how I usually order them.

Encounters with Marry Jane an old Toby

I have a very early memory of a parent of mine giving me a hit off a joint or handmade cigarette. I coughed up a storm of course, and was then told something like “see it’s awful, you don’t want any of that do you?” The intent, of course, being to both cure any curiosity I had and dissuade my interest. It worked like a charm and I didn’t have any interest in smoking anything for a good long time.

I was living in Washington State when Marijuana sales for recreational use became legal there. My wife wanted to try it to see if it could help with anxiety and I agreed to participate in the experiment. I’ve known plenty of users over the years and I’ve never observed any real danger in it. I am even partial to its particular smell. Mostly I just had no interest in smoking due to its hazards and because I find the idea unpleasant. We tried an e-cigarette style device. I took the recommended dose and coughed my damned lungs out. I also felt absolutely no effect. We then tried some edibles, and eventually a drink additive. Again, no effect at all so far as I could tell. My wife, however, did find it was very helpful as a sleep aid before bed, allowing her mind to settle down.

Of course, I don’t much need to settle my thoughts or relax, so again, it’s just not something I’m much interested in as a past time. I’ve yet to smoke tobacco and am even less interested in that. I don’t at all care for the smell of it. The closest I’ve come is kissing a girl who smoked and it was definitely not a plus. I have the notion that when I reach a sufficient age that day to day live involves a fair bit of physical pain or discomfort, and ruining my lungs just isn’t much of a concern, I may well give smoking, perhaps out of a long pipe. But until that day, it’s just not for me.

Caffeine, my one real addiction

I can honestly say I have been high on Caffeine many times, and have felt honest to god withdrawal symptoms on occasions when I’ve gone without. I like the taste of caffeine in drinks and I actively seek it out in my tea choices. I tend to have periods where I drink tea nearly every day and periods where I don’t have significant Caffeine for weeks at a time. When I was younger I’d have said it has little effect on me, but now I am more aware and am aware of what it does both when I use it, and when I don’t.

Most of the time I just drink tea because I like it, but on occasion now I will take in caffeine specifically for its effect. If I need to do a long drive and am feeling fatigued, I will pick up a bottled frappuccino drink to fight sleepiness while driving. It does a good job at keeping me from nodding off, something I once did in my 20s driving from Alaska to Washington. I also load up on tea when I am feeling “uninspired” but want to get some writing done. It tends to banish my desire to just curl up and take a long mid-day nap. Mind you, I do go for the nap option sometimes when I think I’m actually tired and not just blase.

As I said, I am a naturally relaxed person, a little too relaxed for my own good sometimes and I do find that caffeine is a fairly gentle stimulant for me and can help me overcome my natural apathy. The only serious danger I’ve had is that if I get too much in me at night and I am doing something fun, such as playing a cool game, I will stay up far too late. It doesn’t keep me from sleeping if I make a point of going to bed, but it pretty much wipes out my desire to turn in for the night. I’ve also done that without caffeine in me, but it is definitely an enabler.

The hard stuff

Honestly, I won’t touch any drug I think is going to have a profound impact on my mind unless it is a medical necessity. One thing I do find rather terrifying is the idea of not being entirely in control of my own actions or something that will fundamentally change my thinking or personality. I pride myself on being a moral, kind, and responsible person by and large. But I am not some angel of pure thought. Greed and wrath are in me calling for satisfaction and I am not at all eager to give them any opportunity to assert control of my life.

I suspect the most dangerous drugs for me would be cocaine or meth. I am told they can make you feel like an invincible god. That sounds great and terrifying which is exactly why I will never try these drugs even if they were legal. I feel godlike enough on my own but my intellect manages to keep such narcissism pretty well in check. Break that down and I shudder to think what kind of person or monster I could be.

I find hallucinogenics equally concerning. Losing my grip on what is real and what is hight on my list of things to try and avoid at all costs. I like having a pretty firm sense of reality as I experience it. I also find people who have a loose grip on it pretty obnoxious and dangerous. I also have plenty of imagination and find plenty of mind-blowing experiences to be had while perfectly sober and sane. Thus, I’m both a bit fearful and basically just not interested in these kinds of drugs.

Finally, there are the downers which I don’t much fear but have zero interest in unless I am in extreme physical pain. I’ve had some experiences with these while injured. And they are great for relaxing muscles and helping you sleep through agony so your muscles can heal. Other than that, I found nothing at all pleasurable in the experience and I normally don’t need any help in sleeping when I choose to go to bed.

End of Story

And that is the sum total of my drug habits. Not terribly dramatic but then again, neither am I. Stay tuned for a future article about my political and social view of drugs. Those have undergone a bit more change over the years than my personal use of them.