The Rule of Yes and The Rule of No
When Anne and I were traveling across the US in our Airstream, we developed a couple of “rules for adventure” that we would follow. They worked out pretty well, and I generally still try to follow them in may aspects of life.
The Rule of Yes
When you encounter an opportunity and someone you trust and like say. “Would you like to….” you say “Yes.” Even if you are a bit unsure, or a bit tired, or just not sure, you say “Yes.”
Note: Saying yes is not a lifetime commitment, it only means you will give it a shot. If you try it out and it sucks, you can always say, “This isn’t very fun for me.” and we then change course.
The Rule of No
If someone you trust and like makes a suggestion for what to do, and you have reasons you really don’t want to do that, you say “No.” But… you then must make an alternative suggestion. The ball is now in your court, and you are duty bound to make the next move.
Note: The alternative does not need to be anything amazing, but it has to be something positive.
Uses
The rule of Yes was really a rule for the road, a way to get us to embrace adventure and not to be afraid to suggest things to do to one another. So if we drive by the worlds largest pistachio and Anne say “Want to check that out??” I say Yes and we go check it out.
It really helps life move in a forward direction and gives you access to new opportunities and experiences. It assumes the question is a genuine one, but also expresses some element of curiosity or interest when asked.
The rule of No is about making decisions and working cooperatively. It was developed during one of those conversations about where to eat….
You hungry?
Yes.
What do you want.
Anything.
How about Chinese food.
Na.
How about Pizza.
Na….
What would you like?
Anything is fine.
etc….
The rule of No makes both people responsible for the decision. No one is shut out or shut down, but you either have to take the wheel or let someone else drive until you find a decision.
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I remember when you and Anne first married you had the rule if you disagreed on a subject you would not go to sleep that night until a solution was found you could both agree on. That rule was unrealistic but one that newlyweds tend to adopt out of inexperience.
My rule for travel is to only say yes to something I really want to do and have the time, money and energy for. I value having time alone, all by myself in a peaceful location vastly more than I value going with other people to see the world’s largest pistachio. The world is overly full of roadside distractions. One single walk on a beach next to the ocean with your wife is worth more than seeing all the roadsides distractions in the world. That has nothing to do being open to new experiences. It has to do with realizing what matters most and what matters most is not the stimulation that comes from activities generated to bring in tourist dollars. This week I will walk along the rim of the Grand Canyon but I chose to do so alone as some things are best appreciated on our own at our own speed and pace. I have friends I am camped with,they want me to play their tour guide while trying to “do it all”. at once. But trying to do it all means seeing and pleasing others at their pace. But for myself that would only be experiencing my surroundings in a very shallow way. Nature took eons to create what they will only want to spend 5 minutes observing. My artist eye wants to enjoy all the thousands of colors, shadows, depths, the sunlight and just sit and absorb that magnificent display of passage of time in history that has nothing to do with the humans looking at it other than their damming up the waters that created what they come to admire. Say yes to natural beauty and no to giant pistachios. What you do with your personal time is and always should be a personal choice rather than a “rule “ someone else tells that you ought to be doing because it suits them. Which you should realize as you have never liked following rules given to you by others except for game rules